Chapter 154Escape to Tomorrow
I couldn't take my eyes off him.
His eyes mingled with the light of the sinking sun caught me and wouldn't let me go. I felt that if only I took a step away, he would understand my feelings that I couldn't even express with my words. My face was heating up, and so was my body. The only good thing was that I was also being burned by the flame of the sinking sun. Thanks to that light which was a combination of golden orange and violet, I no longer needed to hide my face which was flushed.
'—Weakness is what makes one fall in love.'
I pondered the words he whispered to me a few seconds ago as if they had disappeared into the air. No, it was those kinds of words that were repeating in my head before I realized it. Those words kept swirling around in my head, melting my brain, and also my heart.
'—Because he... ...always liked Natsukawa.'
I also remember the words Sasaki-kun said to me. Wataru always seemed to like me. However, I didn't know that until that time in the first term, when Wataru told me how he felt about me at Wataru's house, and I didn't know if it was still like that. Even so, if it's true that Sasaki-kun's words were referring to the current Wataru.—
"...Oh... ...Oh..."
My face felt hot.
The sun was beginning to sink. I still don't want it to go away just yet. My face was still like a newly ripened fruit. If it continues, Wataru might see this face of mine. This was embarrassing. I feel ashamed that he could see this feeling of mine, which just came out of my chest. So please don't leave yet.
"...Should we go home now?"
—Eh?
Wataru twisted his next words. He let out a small sigh, looking rather tired indeed, and then he picked up his bag from the table in front of him and walked past me.
"...Oh, eh...?"
"No, you see... ...Because it's getting dark outside."
That's not it, though.
Wataru seemed too calm. Unlike when he whispered sweet words to me a moment ago, he walked into the center of the mostly dark classroom. Because of that change in manner, I couldn't utter a single word properly.
—Was that just a dream?
Was that just my imagination? Did I mishear it? Is that why he was able to stay here as if nothing had happened? Those eyes, those eyes, that look at things so lovingly, the words he said to me as if he said them with a bit of pain, are they not real...?
"...Oh..."
The heat in my body began to subside. What I had hoped for so long turned into my fear and it overtook me before I could get rid of it. My heart began to race, this was my first feeling, I didn't want to believe that it was all directed at a false fantasy.
"W-Wait..."
I was about to let out my voice as much as I could. ...However, the voice that came out of my mouth was a low, trembling sound that seemed to disappear before his eyes. Those voices of mine, which under normal circumstances should have reached the school building across the street, sounded like the remaining sounds of the dying light of life. To that extent, there was no room in me.
My body was helpless. As I stared at Wataru desperately as if clinging to him, I saw his eyes, which had returned to their usual black color, looking at me.
"—I'll wait for you."
"Oh..."
Phew, Wataru smiled widely. Although his eyes had indeed returned to their usual color, I still wasn't sure if he was the same Wataru I used to know there. Even though it was just three words, they were repeating in my head just like before.
"It's going to be dark soon, and I don't want to leave you here alone."
"..."
Why?
I moved my feet, which I could now move, towards Wataru. That face of his, which seemed to have grown up, was slowly getting closer to me. Time passed so slowly that he probably thought I was practicing walking at the rehabilitation center.
♦
"..."
"..."
Before I knew it, I found myself already approaching the school entrance.
We didn't talk about anything on the way from the classroom to the entrance, but Wataru, who was walking slightly ahead of me, slowed his pace while occasionally looking at me walking behind him. The tenderness in his eyes, which suddenly narrowed slightly every time he did that, I felt like it contained something other than the kind of friendship one would normally show to a classmate, and my heartbeat quickened, making me even more unstable.
Was this purely my egoism? Perhaps I was just too insecure? It hurt my heart to think that Wataru's feelings for me were still alive.
"The reason why Wataru was willing to put in so much effort" was something I wanted to know. It made my head spin, thinking that all that time, all that effort, all that inclination, was directed at me. And I couldn't help but think naively that I was a simple person, and somehow I felt that my excitement was soaring above the pain and regret I felt.
Wataru began to leave the school entrance and was bathed in the faint light outside.
Wataru looked up at the sky for a moment and took a breath.
Wataru seemed to be at ease in the cool autumn breeze.
I couldn't help but notice. Not only was Wataru's preparation too fast, but it was also because my preparation was too slow. Even though I was staring at Wataru without paying attention to my hands, I could never change my shoes all the time. Although I was afraid that Wataru would leave me behind, I finally managed to change my shoes and catch up with him, catching up with my lag.
"—It doesn't feel like it's already fallen, does it?"
"Eh...?"
"That, you see... ...I've been concentrating for a long time. Just now it felt like we were still in the middle of summer the whole time until now. I didn't realize it was this cold."
"...That's right."
Before I knew it, it was already autumn. I hadn't realized it until Wataru told me just now. I also felt that the activities of the Cultural Festival Executive Committee felt like a summer event to me. With this realization, my activities tomorrow will be reflected in a different perspective to me. Those moments that were very painful for me, have now turned into memories.
From somewhere, I heard the sound of crickets.
"..."
"...Natsukawa?"
"Oh... ...Y-Yeah..."
If I stood right next to Wataru, I couldn't see him. So I ended up walking slightly behind him. Because I could see his face more clearly that way. Before I knew it, I was walking at a slower pace than before. I was probably walking too slowly. Wataru looked at me curiously.
My face felt hot. I felt ashamed that I was so naive. Since I didn't want to be seen by him, I hurriedly walked next to the other Wataru.
"..."
"..."
The silence continued on the way back. Wataru didn't say anything. When I peeked at his face so as not to get caught, I found Wataru just staring straight ahead while walking. However, he looked sleepy and tired. It's a complete change from when he seemed very mature, and now he feels as if he's very innocent.
My heart's beating fast.
This is strange. Have I Wataru ever looked this cool before? Has he ever looked this cute before? The more I looked at him, the hotter my heart became and the more I felt like touching him. Just by standing next to him, I could smell Wataru's body scent, and it felt like my mind would melt.
This was my first time feeling this way. I've never experienced anything like this in my entire life.
As I looked down, I looked at Wataru's hand on my right. His hand was much bigger than mine. I could easily touch it if I stretched out my hand just a little. Although the distance between us was only 15 centimeters, I felt itchy because I couldn't reach his hand.
"—Oh!"
Just as I was agonizing over that, I found that the fork in the road had already begun to appear. When did this happen, without realizing it, I thought. It doesn't feel like much has passed since we left school. It felt like we had only walked about a dozen steps from the school. Thinking that I had spent all my time just fighting Wataru's left hand all this time, my face became a bit heated again.
Although I looked ahead as if trying to deceive myself, the only path I saw was the path where I had to part with Wataru.
—I don't want it.
I couldn't help but stop. My strong desire to stay with Wataru blocked the movement of my feet. Wataru, who was in front of me, realized it a moment later. After looking back curiously, he looked around him and said in a satisfied tone as if he understood.
"We've finally arrived here too, huh."
"Yeah..."
It was the ride home that made me uneasy. I felt a bit sad when Wataru just mumbled flatly without emotion and in a sleepy state. If only there was just a little something more, anything, anything. That frustration arose, not wanting to just leave him like this.
"...Huh..."
"...!"
Wataru turned his back to me and lowered his shoulders slightly in place. All I could hear from him was the sound of his breathing which made it seem like he was already tired. I think he was trying not to appear so because he didn't want to worry me. That kind of attitude was unbearable and stimulated my wavering heart.
Gosh, I couldn't take it anymore.
"Natsu — Eh?"
"..."
"..."
It feels a bit dense. When I tried to breathe, there was only the scent of Wataru's body. I thought his back would be warm, but it turned out to be rather cold. As I traced it with my fingertips, I felt uneven wavy lines on his body.
"I'm sorry... ...I tripped a bit just now..."
"...Oh, eh? W-Were you tripped?"
"Yeah... ...I was tripped."
I put my arm around him. I thought my arms would be much more flexible, but they were much harder than I thought. Wataru's back felt a bit hotter as I tightened my grip on my arm. As I closed my eyes and fell silent, I let the warmth that reached my cheeks spread throughout my body.
"Hey, are you feeling tired...?"
"E-Eh...? I think I do feel tired... ...Well, yeah... ...I think my tension is gone..."
"I see."
It didn't matter if he did it all for the sake of others. Wataru was already doing his best. I should be jealous and envious of him for that, but right now it doesn't matter to me anymore. I can only feel affection for him, and I can't help but feel admiration for him.
"Thank you for your hard work, Wataru."
—I like you, probably.
I turned my back to him and told him so with just my breath.
I don't care if he doesn't hear my words. I don't care if he can hear my words or not. Maybe I don't deserve him right now. But at least he deserves this hug. I want to apologize to him, even though more than two years have passed.
'—Weakness is what makes one fall in love.'
Who are these words meant for? I wanted to hear the answer from him directly in Wataru's own words. But I don't want to ask that for now. No matter what the answer is, I will never be able to feel satisfied with who I am right now, or I might just get hurt.
"..."
"..."
I put my hands behind his back so he couldn't turn around. I would never let him see my face right now. If he could see my face, I'm sure I'd cry right away. This was also my selfishness for myself.
"See you tomorrow, okay?"
"...Oh—"
Even though I stepped forward, the scene I saw at this moment probably hadn't changed at all. But I just kept running away from him.
This was the first time in my life that I was facing forward while running away.
TL: Reeze27
ED: Reeze27
PR: Reeze27
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