Chapter 210
Illusion
"Sajocchi — I don't think I'll do anything else to help you."
"!..."
Ashida's very realistic words surprised me. I don't know, though, why she reacted in such a way, or why she couldn't just say, "That's not true".
The way I dealt with Natsukawa — the only person who knew the most about this other than myself, no doubt, would have been Ashida. As soon as I distanced myself from Natsukawa in the first term, I remembered very well that I had confided my feelings to Ashida because I had just lost my confidence. From then on, Ashida must have noticed my behavior and judged that I was being passive towards Natsukawa.
Why am I, who should be planning to extinguish the turmoil in my heart, still in contact with Natsukawa until now? Normally, Natsukawa and I should have been far away from each other. Although before the seat change, we were still sitting in front of and behind each other, we didn't talk much to each other, just behaved as normal classmates.
However...
'—Even so, anyone who suddenly loses one of their places will be surprised and worried.'
"..."
It was impossible for a boy who had only lived for 15 years to understand a girl's mind that was so blurred. It was none other than Ashida who opened the door slightly that was entangled with ivy and the like from the inside.
If that hadn't happened, I wonder if I would have noticed the situation around Natsukawa back then. I wonder if I would have been able to make contact with Natsukawa after that. I wonder if I would have taken on a troublesome role to help the Cultural Festival Executive Committee. I wonder if I'll find a place where I can take it seriously like this.
Had there been no Ashida... ...what could I have done?
I did fall in love with Natsukawa and took a second look at myself. But still, I did what I wanted to do. I felt that I had made all sorts of decisions on my own. But in reality, I didn't dare to make those kinds of decisions, and the things I thought I had accomplished were probably just the result of a trigger pushing me.
That injury to my left hand was the epitome of savagery. It might have been a sudden situation, but it was the result of reckless decisions and steps. Perhaps I didn't have the decisiveness to give a proper answer, and I had gotten used to doing something like that since the first term when I was repeatedly guided by various things as if I were conducting a series of demonstrations. Maybe that was it.
Normally, it takes a lot of courage to talk to someone who has rejected you, to the point where your legs would be shaking. But how did I end up like this?
This and that, it all started with...
"...D*mn you, confident girl!"
"Why?"
Ashida seemed to be very surprised by the sudden compliment.
I don't know what she's seen of me and Natsukawa so far, but it's a bit embarrassing to assume without considering her daily influence. Without thinking about the important points in that realm, because it's something that a girl with a wide circle of friends would do.
This person did not understand what she had been doing all this time. Whenever she caught a moment when Natsukawa's expression wasn't so good, she grabbed the back of Natsukawa's head and said, "There, there!" and thrust her face in front of me! It didn't matter if I looked away or kept my distance. No matter if I did or not, she thrust the anxious face of the girl I loved in front of me. This situation is exactly like that.
That's right, if she did that to me, then I...
"You're right. Right now, I can't do anything special for Natsukawa."
"Th-That's right..."
Thanks to Ashida, I realized. I was too obsessed with making myself easy to understand. I didn't care about the cause or effect of this injury. I didn't need to do anything special to make Natsukawa understand me. There was only one thing I had to do. That is, to restore the smile on Natsukawa's face to its original state.
First of all, I'm not just another friend or classmate. It's just that there are some taboos that boys who are rejected by her should not do. If it's not a special occasion and I plan to do something while saying "I'm doing this for you", I'm just imposing her feelings on me — That's unnecessary attention. I'll just come across as disgusting. Therefore.
"Therefore... I'll just play my usual role."
"What?"
In the same way as when I was rejected, I will play the role with a flirtatious appearance. The chances are very small, so it's a precious moment that I can't miss.
"You know, it's getting close. There's a big opportunity."
"The perfect opportunity... —Oh!"
It is a blessed day that comes to all humanity. This year marks the 16th anniversary of Natsukawa's birth into this world.
"—Natsukawa's Birthday...!" "—Aichi's Birthday...!" (TL Note: Speaking at the same time!)
October 31st. Do you know how special that day is? It is said that people had made preparations in advance to celebrate Natsukawa's birth to the point that they worked hard to make costumes, and on that day they wore costumes and danced like crazy in the middle of the Shibuya intersection. Many people had prepared themselves for the day that would come again this year. The enthusiasm was so great that even I couldn't help but be enthusiastic.
"I'm going to celebrate Natsukawa's birthday... ...and give her a present. There's nothing strange about that, is there?"
"So that's it, huh! You want to celebrate Aichi's birthday and keep her entertained!"
"That's it."
"Where will the party be held?"
"What?"
"What?"
P-Party? Did she just say party? Not "panty"?
Um... ...Didn't you say before that I didn't do anything special..., ...First of all, how would she feel about attending her birthday party hosted by the boy she rejected? Although, not like this, it's also okay. It would still be better than dancing in the middle of an intersection.
Incidentally, Ashida-san... ...Do you believe that birthday parties are 'normal'?
"...? Don't you want to organize a birthday party for her?"
"...D*mn you, confident girl!"
"Why!?"
"First of all, Natsukawa is the type of person who likes to celebrate her birthday with a cake with her family. The best gift for Natsukawa would be to see Airi-chan happily eating the cake until her mouth is full of whipped cream. Don't underestimate Natsukawa's affection for Airi-chan."
"To the point you say that, what is your position in this?"
Seriously, let's say we throw a separate surprise birthday party and suddenly call her. Natsukawa would probably notice and join us, but the state of the Natsukawa residence would be hell because Airi-chan would have to stab the birthday cake with a fork in the lonely absence of her big sister. I'll get bald if I think about it too much.
"My goal is to put a smile back on Natsukawa's face. Although it's not a party, it would be nice to celebrate with people close to her and give her a happy birthday."
"But what if Aichi doesn't cheer up?"
"...Can I leave the rest to you?"
"Leave it to someone else!?"
Considering the current situation, where just talking to Natsukawa reminded me of something I needed to do, there was a possibility that if I contacted Natsukawa, it would make the situation worse. Also, the only thing I can test directly is whether or not she will accept my kindness. It would be better if she would listen to my explanation.
"I know that it's my fault. But for once I can't say that I won't give up until Natsukawa is cheerful again. This is not a problem that can be solved simply by working at my part-time job or being a member of the Cultural Festival Executive Committee. If I could move Natsukawa's heart that easily, I wouldn't be jealous of Sasaki these days."
"You're being jealous of him..."
"Therefore, I have no choice but to do whatever I can. If that fails — then I'll wonder what happens."
"..."
I'm the reason why Natsukawa is depressed. If I couldn't do anything even with the small chance I had, there would be no more room left for me to do my best.
However, other people like Ashida were different. In the first place, there was no reason for Natsukawa to show her sad face, and if she kept encouraging her, there would be room for her to smile again like before.
"And so, eh, I'm sorry about this, but..."
"Let's say Sajocchi fails to do so, and I or the other girls manage to make Aichi cheerful again. Would that be okay with you?"
"...It's frustrating, but come to think of it, this is indeed a much more impossible relationship than the one we've had so far."
I confessed my feelings to her, and she rejected me, but she was still on good terms with me at such a close distance that I couldn't even imagine it. This is precious time. To me, it's like bonus time that has ended.
"I had no choice but to think positively. It was indeed the perfect opportunity to let go of any unresolved regrets."
"Oh, I see, yeah. Understood."
Just as my current mindset is very different from the mindset I had when I was in middle school if I can stop regretting Natsukawa, a new mindset will be born. I hope that the regrets and pain of the past will be a stepping stone to making the most of my future. I can't let the end of a love relationship ruin everything for me from now on.
"Hey, Sajocchi... ...if that happens... then..."
"Hmm?"
"N-No! It's nothing!"
"? I see. Well, we should think about how to make this all work from now on..."
The school bell rang. After this strategy meeting called Ashida's interrogation was over, I had already decided what I should do for Natsukawa. I must use the remaining opportunities effectively. Hopefully, I can make Natsukawa smile again with my strength...
"...Huh? Come to think of it, what was Sajocchi's birthday present to Aichi...?"
"What, you forgot, huh? We talked about this before."
"Um..., ...Sorry, can't you tell me more about it one more time?"
"I can't help it, then..."
The optimal solution that I went through was in the middle of the second and third years of middle school. The mere essence of making the jewel named Natsukawa more beautiful and colorful. A jewel of mine, which I made at an affordable price, which didn't exceed a high school student's allowance and wasn't too heavy either.
"—It's a ring."
"Sayeth what...?!"
Author's Note: Is there any problem with that?
TL Notes:
• There's still no other updates yet from Okemaru-sensei, but I believe he'll be back, I'll update the chapter on the blog whenever he updated the new chapter.
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