Chapter 124The Goddess was—
(TL Note: Unlike the Light Novel version which uses the Narrator's POV, the Web Novel version of this chapter uses Aika's POV.)
"...It's really strange."
"...Yeah."
The person who mumbled something to me was my male classmate. I already knew that even though he didn't tell me what he meant.
In a room after school. Even though I wasn't participating in any club activities, I could hear the sound of pens being moved silently. Everyone around me... ...especially the third-year senpai-s, was handed several strange documents beside them. Our activities as members of the Culture Festival Executive Committee, which had been going on since the summer vacation, were running out of time.
What made me feel uncomfortable was the senpai-s' attitude. At the beginning of the activity, they had shown a relaxed attitude, as if they wanted us, their kouhai-s, to take care of it, but then they turned around and handed us the blank documents with a bow of their head and felt sorry.
The first-year students, including myself, were confused. Perhaps it was natural, but I could tell that the second-year senpai-s, who were a year above us, were growing increasingly distrustful of the third-year senpai-s. The first-year students were the same, they were getting fed up with this deteriorating atmosphere.
"—Sorry, that's all for today."
The signal for the last school dismissal time sounded. I had no choice but to stop. As if in a hurry, we packed our things and rushed home.
"—Um, Sasaki-kun..."
"Well, I think it will ease our burden. You don't have to worry about it, Natsukawa."
"I see..."
He quietly put the documents into his school backpack and smiled widely. This wasn't the right thing to do, but the situation was like that. I admire him for being able to make his own decisions like that. In this management business, I couldn't take responsibility, so I decided to go home without doing anything as ordered by Senpai.
"Sorry, I'm going home first. See you tomorrow."
"Oh, yeah. See you again."
He looked at his smartphone while making a bitter expression on his face, then rushed out of the classroom as if he was in a hurry. I often heard him complain about his little sis. I guess she must be obsessed with her big bro again, and I felt a bit jealous of him because he was still telling me about his little sis' obsession.
(I wonder...)
I started to get busy and felt that my free time was getting less and less. I felt nostalgic for the feelings I remembered from the past. However, compared to the past, I'm content now. The reason is, compared to those times, I have something else on my side. The reason is that I have a momentary moment of enjoyment in a routine that I've been doing for a long time. Therefore, I was able to turn this little bit of exhaustion into part of my courage.
And today, there was something else.
"...Oh..."
"Hmm?"
As I headed to the entrance, I found someone I didn't expect. Sajou Wataru. Why was he still here, when he should have been part of the Go-Home Club? That question did cross my mind, but I couldn't say anything, as if it wasn't important. Not that it matters, but I found myself feeling rather anxious, I wish I had time to think about such things.
This conversation started with a rather aberrant end. It was indeed the beginning of a time that I didn't realize. I couldn't remember if I had ever changed my shoes before. Before I knew it, I found that I was already walking next to him, casting my shadow on the sidewalk.
The lively conversation. My tongue occasionally wouldn't turn. There were times when I couldn't put it into words, but the time passed more intensely than when we were chatting through the messaging apps on our smartphones.
Had this kind of thing happened to us before? I think there's a part of me that's greedy. There are days when I'm so focused on my own business that I feel immobilized. In response, I'm grateful for what I've gained since I became a high school student. However, as my daily life became more and more fulfilling, I found myself thinking "It's still not enough.".
Going deeper... ...to the deepest end.—
"Y-Y-Y-You...! I heard you chased after Natsukawa-san and got into Kouetsu High School, but you two finally got together, huh!?"
"Bah...!?"
As if I got a light slap on my cheek, my thoughts stopped.
(Eh—?)
"Hey!! Stop it, Haru!"
His shout that I don't usually hear. I could only be surprised.
The normal life I was finally able to obtain, and my little sis' cute smile. I spent my days clinging to those two things, trying not to lose them. I was trying desperately not to let go of my "now".
Deep in my head, were things I had long since left behind. I had a blessing that was getting more and more satisfying at the moment—So, so I decided that it was no good and tried to pretend that it never happened.
"—So, we're done with that kind of thing."
"Oh..."
"That kind of thing". I understood what he meant.
What is love? What does he mean by "dating"? I don't understand what he means when he says it like that. No, I don't have time for that, do I? I have other things to do. You're still doing that, stop it, it's annoying! — There were days when I treated him like that. It was just noise to me back then.
There were days when I still had high expectations for my high school life, then suddenly I heard him apologizing in front of me and saying words I didn't understand. I didn't take it seriously. But I was afraid of losing it. I felt like I was afraid that what I had finally gained would fall apart.
Before I knew it, something seemed to have ended.
While my body fell silent, memories of the past flashed through my mind like flashes of lantern light. Until a moment ago, I had felt close to him through his every move today, but the days when I treated him with cruel treatment as if he were an insect, came to mind. I had never seen his wounded face. But still, when I think of him today, it feels like the inside of my chest, I feel an overwhelming sense of tightness.
"Friends. We're just friends. More or less, we're in a relationship with a different path than the one we were in back then."
(—.)
I couldn't move. There was a feeling of heat and cold mixed. This disgusting feeling—The same feeling I had when I lay on my bed alone at night, staring at the ceiling of my room, and couldn't sleep because I was so worried about my future.
These two people were talking in front of me. My shadow on the sidewalk seemed to become clearer as the sun began to set. Before I knew it, the voices I had just heard were now farther away, as if I had just gazed at a landscape painting for a long time in amazement.
Suddenly, someone's face turned towards me.
"Look, I'm sorry, Natsukawa. An old acquaintance of mine pissed off..."
My shoulders shot up as I was startled. I also looked at the boy's face with fear, I was afraid that he would be suspicious of me. The girl I met for the first time had already left, and he smiled at me awkwardly.
(Eh...? Eh...?)
That's the Sajou Wataru from a moment ago. Next to me, stood a boy who had given color to my gray days, after school. He spoke to me in a tone as if it was a long time yet. I almost felt that the atmosphere hadn't stiffened up to this point.
Suddenly I came back to reality. I felt like I was standing on the ground. I tried to organize my thoughts while giving a rambling answer. But when I looked ahead, I found that a familiar crossroads awaited us.
"Alright, I'll go this way..., ...See you tomorrow."
"Oh—, —W-Wataru!"
I called out to him and grabbed his arm to reflexively stop him. After all, I wanted him to wait for me. It's time for me to organize my thoughts—I need time to calm myself down. At least until I can fully digest what just happened.
That's right, he couldn't pretend that nothing had happened. It was true, something had happened before my eyes, and I couldn't just ignore it. Maybe he didn't mean it like that. But I couldn't just let it go like this.
He said something that I never expected him to say to me. I didn't expect that kind of thing to happen. The story had developed on its own without my knowledge.
I quickly returned to reality again. At the same time, I remembered what kind of person I was in front of Sajou Wataru.
"Y-You... ...Hmm, are you still...?"
Still— What do I want to say to him right now?
Isn't he trying to "reaffirm" it to me? It's a feeling that he probably never took lightly, but it's also a feeling that I've been fighting.
(Since when?)
Since when? —Since when did I forget? That's the kind of relationship we had. In retrospect, I should have realized that this wasn't a relationship that we could talk about casually. Now that I'm a high school student, I have more time in my life, and I should be able to focus on other things now that I'm not so busy with my affairs.
(That's right — Wataru is.)
There was a time when he started acting strangely. At that time, I still couldn't fit myself into the classroom, and I tried to think about how I could get along with my classmates better while ignoring him like I usually did.
I still remember when he said something different to me. But still, I didn't think much of it, assuming that after I slept and woke up, he would appear in front of me again.
'Natsukawa-'
'Eh—?'
I also remember how surprised I was when he started calling me by my family name again. Even so, when we came face to face, he gave me a smile with his usual grin, as if it was a normal thing —In fact, I could feel that there was quite a distance between us. Although I was a little confused, it didn't matter. I remembered to continue to feel grateful that he was "still there" as a matter of course.
(Maybe—Is it just me...?)
Am I the only one who doesn't think about it?
The person who belongs to what I call my "group," the person I talk to at school, and probably the person who won't leave me, no matter how often I reject him. I don't have to worry about anything. I didn't have to think about anything.
Before I realized it, I was the only one who felt this way.
"...Hmm, what's wrong?"
"Oh, um... ...Th-That... ...That person from earlier, Haru-san..."
"...About Haru, huh? What's wrong with her?"
"Oh, um..."
A relationship where his good intentions are expressed, expressed again, rejected, and rejected again. I didn't realize it because we had repeated it so many times, but it was an event that would usually make things awkward. Usually, it was an event that made it impossible for us to remain friends.
Usually, it's a relationship that's probably over.
(Wataru— Has he been thinking about it for a long time...?)
Why? None other than because he was the one who expressed his feelings for me and I was the one who rejected him. That's why he had no choice but to think about what he should do to move himself on. However, it was only a matter of time before he got there. He was just doing what he had to do one day.
Then, even though he should have expressed it clearly, he could only pretend that nothing happened.
"—I'm sorry. ...It's nothing."
He's just being a friend, isn't he? When he chatted on his smartphone with his friend at night, or when he gave me that flat smile a while ago, it was just an expression of concern—It was all an act.
(M-Me too...)
Don't ruin everything. I can't ruin everything. That's something I've always kept. I can't pretend not to know and just take it for granted without realizing it.
"—You seem to be tired already, so let's just leave it at this for today. Standing around while talking like this will only make us tired, right?"
"...Eh?"
"Look, shouldn't you be going home immediately, so you can show your face to your beloved Airi-chan?"
"Oh, yeah..."
"I'll tell Haru that she doesn't have enough delicacies. See you tomorrow."
He realized it, but a few seconds later, he had already turned his face away from me and was facing backward. He immediately moved away but I still held his hand. I quickly let go of his hand because I was afraid he would turn around and look at me again.
He didn't turn towards me again.
TL: Reeze27
ED: Reeze27
PR: Reeze27
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