Chapter 179Reasons For Not Refusing
'Anyway, for now, I've understood that you've changed your mind about your feelings. I'm sure it must also have something to do with why you asked for time to answer Saitou-san's confession. That's the case. I'm smart, so I understand.'
'What are you so proud of...? ...But you're not wrong about that, though.'
The conversation that had been rather serious suddenly changed, and Wataru tried to continue the conversation in a joking tone. If I look closely, his right hand is moved to the back of his head. That's Wataru's gesture when he tries to cover or divert something. I'm sure there must have been something embarrassing in that conversation — just like he did when he talked to me.
Sasaki-kun sighed, then turned to face forward as if avoiding the afternoon sunlight hitting his face. I could sense that Wataru was relaxing his body as if he was relieved. Somehow, I could understand his feelings.
'I don't know about Sajou, though — but even if you give up that doesn't mean your feelings will instantly disappear, right?'
'Oh...?'
'The reason I gave up wasn't because my feelings were gone. There were other reasons. That's why, I think it will take me a long time before I can like another girl. No, even now I still think so.'
'...You little.'
Wataru took a glance at Sasaki-kun, then lowered his head with a face that looked like he had just bitten a bitter bug. Wataru looked like he couldn't bear to hear it. The expression on Wataru's face that seemed to remember his pain made me hesitate to even try to understand his feelings. I wonder, does Wataru also have similar feelings with Sasaki-kun? Thinking about it makes me feel happy, but at the same time, it feels like something is clutching my chest.
'The same thing happened when I was called by Saitou-san. At this Cultural Festival event, I could slightly imagine what Saitou-san would do when she called me. While thinking that maybe I was overconfident, I felt happy like a fool, looking forward to it, and thinking of how to reject her if she confessed to me.'
'...'
'What the heck? Why are you being so quiet? You think I'm the worst guy, don't you?"
'...Even if you have no intention of going out with her, if you were a guy you would definitely feel happy and look forward to it, right?'
'You are the worst guy, aren't you?'
'I'll kill you!'
The two of them exchanged harsh words. However, there was no tense atmosphere between the two of them, instead, Sasaki-kun laughed as if mocking himself while cursing Wataru. Sasaki-kun's words sounded calling as if he was saying, 'Please reprimand me!'.
The two conflicting sides of me are born when there is a clash between reason and emotion. It felt so claustrophobic as if it was strangling my neck. I was a calm person who thought how good it would be if I could just follow my feelings. I felt familiar with that feeling that I couldn't explain. However, when Wataru said that, it didn't feel right to label all of this as 'the worst' just because he was a guy. Although the situation might be different, even I, who wasn't a guy, had felt that and remembered it well.
'—However, that thought changed when I saw Saitou-san's straight eyes and when I heard his serious words.'
'Huh?'
'Her hands, her feet, her eyes, everything was trembling. Even so, Saitou-san gathered her courage and said it smoothly. The reason why she fell in love with me. What she would have done with me if it had happened between us.'
'...'
'She says she's not confident with this kind of thing, she's not good at these kinds of things. However, her feelings of love for me won't lose to anyone...'
'W-Wait a minute... ...Wait, wait, wait, wait.'
'What's wrong, though?'
'"What's wrong, though?", your *ss!'
Wataru stopped Sasaki-kun with his trembling mouth. Honestly, I also feel grateful. I want to calm myself down for a moment. My heart was pounding and I couldn't hold it in anymore. When I looked down, Kei's face was also clearly flushed.
Sasaki-kun's detailed description of the scene made Saitou-san's sincerity easy for me to imagine. Even though the two of us are not as close as Kei and I, right now I feel like I can hug Saitou-san wholeheartedly. If possible, I wanted to listen to it while preparing tea and snacks, screaming with joy together with Kei while listening to their conversation. Actually, is this a story that even Wataru can hear?
'Even though you still haven't accepted her, but you've already memorized it in detail, huh...? ...What the heck are you talking about? Are you trying to show off to me? To me, this is the highest level of violence.'
'That's not what I mean, please listen to the end of my story first.'
'What the heck...? ...Is this a new form of torture, huh...? ...What else do you want from me, though...?'
As I looked at Wataru who was on the verge of crying with protruding veins, my overly fast heartbeat subsided somewhat. Sasaki-kun's love story that we wanted to hear carefully if not in this kind of situation, seemed to be painful for Wataru. Is this because of the difference in gender? If only I could be in that place freely, I might have asked Sasaki-kun some questions without hesitation.
'Although I was a bit heartbroken and almost slack, but there is no doubt that my heart was touched by Saitou-san's honest feelings.'
'I see.'
'I feel happy. I can't believe there's a girl who thinks about me this much.'
'Hmm.'
'However — that doesn't mean Saitou-san has become a special person to me.'
'What the heck are you talking about?'
'You know what I mean, don't you?'
'How can I understand?! Unfortunately, because I've never received such a confession before!'
"S-Sajocchi..."
Kei made a sound like she was crying, 'Sob, sob, sob,' as if trying to improve the situation. Wataru's crying was indeed too pathetic in content, from what I heard. At the same time, I felt uncomfortable being here. Honestly, for me who has never even looked at Wataru's figure, this is too painful for me to hear and feel. Whether because of the reflection from the window or something, Sasaki-kun looked like he was illuminated by a halo in my eyes.
'But still... ...I don't want to hurt a girl like her, and if possible, I want to return her feelings...'
'In that case, why don't you just accept her confession?'
'It's not that simple, is it? After she confessed to me so seriously, wouldn't it be rude for me to start dating her even though I don't love her yet?'
'...So that's why, you asked her for time to think about it?'
'...'
Sasaki-kun just nodded his head silently in response to Wataru's words, sounding surprised. Wataru, who lowered his eyebrows, seemed to be unable to say anything else. Different from the change in his listening attitude just now, at this time Wataru twisted his mouth as if he was very annoyed. Though there was no need to be that rude, you know...
'...Why did you have to consult me about that? There's a margin of mistake in choosing someone, you know...'
'Around me, Sajou is the only one who has had romantic experiences.'
'What romantic experience, all I have is heartbreak experience, you know? Besides, you shouldn't choose someone who loses every battle...!'
'But still, you were serious back then, weren't you...? ...Come on, I'm begging you!'
'You little...'
Ugh... ...and my breathing stopped for a moment. Although there was nothing wrong and lie about my reason for rejecting Wataru's confessions back then, after I heard Wataru degrade himself like this, it made me feel guilty inside my heart.
As I listened while slightly gritting my teeth, Kei looked up at me while still on all fours.
"Aichi... ...What do you think?"
"...Well, if possible... ...I want Sasaki-kun and Saitou-san to end up together."
"That's right, though...!?!"
Maybe it's just my nature as a girl, but I always want to support girls who are sincere and I hope they can have a happy ending. However, Sasaki-kun currently has no romantic feelings for Saitou-san... ...If the two of them keep dating, I believe there is a high possibility that Sasaki-kun will continue to hide his true feelings. Under these circumstances, Saitou-san won't be able to be happy. First of all, I don't know who Sasaki-kun's first love is either.
However, from what I heard, it seems that Sasaki-kun is consulting with Wataru to solve this problem. Perhaps more than Wataru imagined, Sasaki-kun bowed his head in despair, hoping to get help.
Sasaki-kun had his first love, and just as he was about to give up, Saitou-san confessed to him. When Sasaki-kun was about to reject the confession, he felt his heart moved and wanted to return the feeling. However, it was too sudden for Sasaki-kun to treat Saitou-san as a special person, and perhaps the timing wasn't right either. Under these circumstances, I think that Sasaki-kun accepting Saitou-san's declaration of love might be unfair to someone who is serious.
This is a complicated issue. For both Sasaki-kun and Saitou-san, just supporting the two of them won't solve anything. I wonder what Wataru will do... ...If possible, I hope he can help them find a solution.
'...'
Huh, Wataru sighed softly while looking up, seemingly starting to think about something. While Sasaki-kun and us were thinking about this matter seriously, Wataru's expression didn't seem too tense. His face looked as if he was just remembering what he ate for dinner yesterday, so casually. As expected, I wonder if Wataru isn't thinking about it too seriously.
What if not only a relationship, but also Wataru's interest in the concept of "romance" itself had disappeared? I wondered who had taken that away from him. I don't need to think too deeply about it. Now that I'm looking at Sasaki-kun objectively from this point of view, I realize how painful the loneliness of feeling not understood is when someone doesn't respond to your confession in earnest. Is it possible that Wataru is now in the same state as my self back then?
Even though the thorn should have been removed, the pain didn't stop either.
'─ It's okay, you guys should just try dating.'
As soon as I quietly took my eyes off Wataru, I didn't feel any hesitation or seriousness from his voice that I heard, that coming to my ears.
ED: Reeze27
PR: Reeze27
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