Chapter 119Something Different, Something That Changes
"—Um...?"
"...We're not dating."
"B-But..."
She was talking to Natsukawa who was standing right next to her. Although I thought to myself, "Seriously, that's enough!", but I answered Haru's questions honestly instead. How could I ask her to change the topic of conversation here and clear the air?
Her confused eyes looked at me and Natsukawa in turn. That was a familiar face to me, I could tell what she was thinking, "Then why did you two go home together?". That was the look on her face. A high school boy and a high school girl walked together in the middle of the city as the sun began to set. If I'm not mistaken, when Haru saw me, there was a little distance between me and Haru. In this kind of situation and given her mood, she probably wouldn't have thought that the two of us were just friends.
"Th-That's, um..."
The atmosphere at the moment was chaotic. The angry voice that came out of my mouth and Natsukawa's soft voice in answering her questions must have been very unusual for Haru, I knew that she was confused. Natsukawa's voice sounded agitated as if she was concerned about my opinion.
Stop it, Natsukawa! No need to talk! If you don't know what to say, it's better not to say anything!
My heated head started to cool down. I managed to calm myself down and consciously tried to keep my voice softer.
"O-Oh-, Haru. Natsukawa and I aren't dating, you know."
"Eh...? ...You called her, "Natsukawa"?"
Let's reconfirm her understanding. Natsukawa and I are not dating. When I told her that, Haru seemed to have figured out the way I was calling Natsukawa this time. Once again, I felt something stirring inside me, but I felt like I was trying hard to suppress the emotional part from the bottom of my heart, so I chose my words carefully.
"—So, we're done with that kind of thing."
"Oh..."
"Eh? What do you mean by that?"
"Friends. We're just friends. More or less, we're in a relationship with a different path than the one we were in back then."
Haru and I did go to the same elementary and middle schools. However, we weren't in the same group in the class, and I didn't have any special memories of her either. I guess that's why she felt she could intervene in this matter. No matter how awkward things were between me and Natsukawa right now, in the end, it was just someone else's problem. But still, I decided to talk to her nicely, because I also felt that there was a part of me that felt jealous of Haru's friendship.
"I'm sorry for making you think the wrong way. Well, since you already knew me when I was in middle school, I don't think it's strange that you might think like that."
"Oh, yeah..., ...I'm sorry."
"No, ...It's okay."
"Y-Yeah."
As I managed to walk past Haru, who had an "I've screwed up!" look on her face, she also escaped with an "Ouch-Ouch-Ouch" as if to dismiss this awkwardness. Then I slowed my pace to make sure that her voice had gotten away from me.
For the time being, I could only stare ahead.
♦
"..."
"..."
I stood still and looked up at the night sky. How beautiful she is, I thought to myself, and I felt ashamed as if I were drowning in my sentimentality. With that as a beginning, I turned around.
My eyes flashed, and our gazes met, and her eyes were filled with confusion.
"Look, I'm sorry, Natsukawa. An old acquaintance of mine pissed off..."
"Oh, no..."
"...Should we go?"
"..."
My pleasant moments passed by so quickly. As if defying that nonsensical theory, this time of silence was coming to an end, in total contrast to the exciting moments. If there was anyone out there who enjoyed this kind of time, it must be a total pervert. Right ahead, there was an intersection.
"Alright, I'll go this way..., ...See you tomorrow."
Turning to Natsukawa, I said my parting words.
I can't get rid of these awkward feelings. Please respond to me quickly, or at least nod if you can't speak yet. That kind of wish kept crossing my mind. I need an excuse to move my feet as soon as possible.
I was supposed to like her, but instead, I wanted to run away. As time went by, I hated myself for being so clingy and mean to her, feeling as if I was forced to face how small my capacity was.
"Oh-, —W-Wataru!"
"!"
I completely stopped stepping forward. I wondered what would happen if I ignored Natsukawa and waved my hand at her while moving my feet. I'm sure our relationship would be "ruined" and tomorrow would be even more awkward than before. My head, faced with a choice, made a difficult decision.
"...Hmm, what's wrong?"
"Oh, um..."
I looked back at her in my usual tone of voice, pretending to be "normal". I could see Natsukawa with a somewhat troubled face. She looked confused and panicked.
"Th-That... ...That person from earlier, Haru-san..."
"...About Haru, huh? What's wrong with her?"
"Oh, um..."
Her eyes blinked again. As I asked her back, Natsukawa moved her mouth a few times and her words got stuck. Was she trying to hold me back, or was she losing her way? But she awkwardly dropped her hand without even trying to grasp the air.
"...It's nothing."
"...Okay."
I was being taken care of by her.
Come to think of it, that's right, it was understandable. Natsukawa and I were in a relationship where she had dumped me. It was Natsukawa who felt uncomfortable, and I who felt miserable. No, I'm sure I'm probably too insecure to think that way about myself right now. After all, it might have been wrong for me to confess my love for Natsukawa, the flower I couldn't reach, in the first place. It's not something I can decide on my own arrogantly, because I'm pinning great hopes on "just in case".
...I must cool my head.
"Then—"
"W-Wait..."
Why?
Why are you holding me back? I looked at Natsukawa's face and her arm that was gripping me in turn, and she unintentionally made a strong appeal to my eyes.
Natsukawa and I are just friends. I had already been dumped by her, but I was still willing to treat Natsukawa as a "friend" if that's what she wanted. There were times when I was blinded like I was possessed, but even so, I could still confess my feelings for her. Hence, the sense of distance that Natsukawa had "prepared" for us, was not only satisfying but also luxurious.
...Does Natsukawa feel it differently? Since she knows how I feel, I'm sure she must feel awkward. Isn't that why she hasn't touched on that at all until now...?
In that case, why don't we say "Goodbye!" today? Wouldn't it be better if we could just meet again tomorrow as usual? Even if we continue to see each other like this, the more we do this, the more awkward it will become.
"Y-You see...!"
"..."
She grasped my arm weakly. Even so, it was still too strong to hold me. I didn't dare to let go of this hand even back when I fell in love with Natsukawa. At the same time as my feelings were getting faint, I felt as if I was being shackled.
"Y-You... ...Hmm, are you still...?"
"..."
"...I'm sorry. ...It's nothing."
"..."
As my hand was slowly released, I felt surprised. Before I realized it, I found myself staring intently at Natsukawa. I think Natsukawa was looking at me as if she was trying to see the true color of my skin. Didn't I just "silence" Natsukawa...? Don't tell me she wasn't just glaring at me, huh...?
Just now, Natsukawa conveyed her "awkwardness" to me. I can understand the hesitation and confusion in her flickering eyes. What should I say? What should I say to make this parting go smoothly? How can we get out of this situation? —Who is it that has Natsukawa tied to this place like this? Isn't that me of all people? Isn't it you, idiot me?
Even though I said that I knew the place of my return, in the end, I wanted to immerse myself in warm water, exchange contact information, go to my home, and when I relaxed, this is what happened. I'm sure that if only I had relaxed more and let things flow, this wouldn't have happened. I'm sure that I would have been able to adjust myself better. I'm sure somewhere along the way, my greed for Natsukawa would have surfaced. That's why I made Natsukawa look at me like this.
"—You seem to be tired already, so let's just leave it at this for today. Standing around while talking like this will only make us tired, right?"
"...Eh?"
"Look, shouldn't you be going home immediately, so you can show your face to your beloved Airi-chan?"
"Oh, yeah..."
"I'll tell Haru that she doesn't have enough delicacies. See you tomorrow."
This time, I said goodbye to Natsukawa and left directly. There was no sound to stop me, and of course, there was no longer her hand holding my arm. The more I moved my feet, the more I could feel something that had been raging inside my chest calming down.
At some point, I tried to distance myself from Natsukawa. Then Ashida didn't see my point very well. For Natsukawa, "Sajou Wataru" is a place where she belongs, I remember hearing someone say something with that kind of nuance to me before.
...Is it still like "that" now...?
As the stupid boy began to distance himself, people began to gather around Natsukawa. With the disappearance of the "shadow of a boy", most of the "nice boys" who wanted to make Natsukawa their girlfriend started to appear as well. What's more, judging by their looks, I was told that they seemed to be compatible with each other to the point that I hated it. Isn't there one of them around here...? When will Natsukawa be able to be "like the usual Natsukawa"? When will I no longer have these kinds of complicated feelings?
...No.
I don't need to do anything unnecessary. Even if there is a huge difference between my high school life and Natsukawa's. —Even if there were decisive differences in our values as human beings, in what we expect, and in everything. —I'm sure we wouldn't have come into contact with each other naturally if I had just spent my life in a daze. Things must change. I just have to wait and see. It would be better if I didn't have to think too much about all that, I just needed to live my life as it should be.
"...Huh...?"
I wonder if there are any girls out there who are perfect to be my girlfriend.
Author's Note: —It's forgettable.
TL Note: Hey, guys, translator here! Happy New Year 2024! I just want to talk about some things, we're aware that the previous translation group translating this series was closing their website for unknown certain times, and you guys might be wondering how to read the first 50 chapters of this series, then, rest assured, because we're also going to translate the first 50 chapters in this blog for you guys, but our priority is the current chapters, from this one til the latest ones, then we're gonna translate the first 50 chapters for you guys. While waiting for my first 50 chapter translations, you can support the author and artist by purchasing the official English of LN Version Vol. 1, digital and physical, when it comes out, this February!
TL: Reeze27
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