Chapter 151Difference
"Natsukawa!"
"Oh, Sasaki-kun..."
It wasn't until I was called out that I realized I was looking down. I think I had been thinking about the past and had lowered my gaze. Sasaki-kun, who ran up to me, had a somewhat worried expression on his face.
"Um... ...I'm sorry, did I bore you?"
"No, though, it's been a long time since I've watched this kind of thing, so it's fun."
"Is that so...? Well then, it's good, though."
Sasaki-kun sat some distance away next to me, holding a bottle of sports drink in his hand and wiping his sweat with the towel around his neck. Even though he was covered in sweat, seeing him look like he was having fun made him feel refreshed. I guess that's how much he loved soccer.
"Fufu, you're so cool!"
"Eh!? Oh... ...um, I-Is that so?"
"Yeah. I can hear the girls cheering for you."
"Ugh... ...I see."
Girls often ask, "What's your type of girl?" is a topic that often comes up. When I heard the answer "Someone who has a passion for something", all I could think was "I see", but now I feel that I kind of understand why. Sasaki-kun always had a handsome face, but even if that person wasn't Sasaki-kun, everyone had a face that shone brightly.
"...Natsukawa, what were you thinking about?"
"Eh...?"
"No, I think you were thinking about something just now. Oh, no, it's fine if it's something you can't tell me."
"Oh..."
Come to think of it, Sasaki-kun sometimes stares at me and waves his hand at me. I might have been too lost in my thoughts that I had unknowingly ignored him. Most of all, I felt sorry when I thought that Sasaki-kun, who was playing soccer, had come all the way here just to confirm what I was thinking.
"Everyone is great. Sasaki-kun, Inoue-senpai, and Ogawa-senpai too."
"Great...?"
"Yeah. Sasaki-kun can catch a high ball with your chest."
"No, everyone can do that, right?"
"That's if they join the Soccer Club, right?"
Even if everyone can do it, a professional performance is still something great. It's the ability to score goals. To be able to do so requires a certain talent and skill. Of course, I was too scared to do it.
"Inoue-senpai watches over the rest of the team and gives towels to those who need them, and Ogawa-senpai gives instructions to the first-year boys."
"Oh, boys..."
To see the whole picture, to mobilize someone other than yourself. Even if she had no ability or talent to play soccer, her contribution to the Soccer Club was still significant. I wonder how many members of the Soccer Club could benefit from that. I've never done anything like that before.
"—I wonder if I can do something too..."
In my mind, my calm self reprimanded myself, "Why are you asking that?". This was an act that took up Sasaki-kun's time, ruined his fun, and violated what he had worked so hard for. And the content of this vague chat... ...must have bothered him a lot.
"What do you mean...? ...Is this about the Cultural Festival Executive Committee? Natsukawa has been working hard, hasn't she? I came out in the middle of the Cultural Festival preparations, didn't I?"
"You did all that for the Soccer Club, didn't you? If that's the case, Sasaki-kun shouldn't have to be a member of the Cultural Festival Executive Committee. You're just there to take Tabata-kun's place, right?"
"Th-That's... ...You see."
I don't blame him, though. I just envy him. He had something he was passionate about, and he also had the energy to take action and become a member of the Cultural Festival Executive Committee. He has peace of mind. He was able to face forward.
Quitting in the middle of the work entrusted to him was a bad deed. But still, Sasaki-kun came back and contributed as much as I did in the end. Most importantly, he was currently active without having to worry like I did. I think that's great. However, when I watched it, I couldn't help but feel like I was on the receiving end. Why, though? I should have more time to be able to do more than his work.
"Look, I think Natsukawa is much better than me, don't you? You're a student who's good at studying, good at sports, and has a good reputation with the teachers."
"..."
"Oh—... ...U-Um, Natsukawa...?"
I also have that kind of confidence.
I'm good at studying. Maybe because I worked so hard when I was in middle school, I can absorb things in my head quickly. I'm also good at sports. Maybe it's because I was always playing with Airi while taking care of her, and I turned out to have really good reflexes and really fast feet. No wonder the teachers praised me so much. I just did whatever I was told and tried not to let it ruin my mood.
However, that was all.
"—Am I, being helpful to anyone...?"
"You were helpful, though... ...Um."
What a troublesome thing to say. It's just going to annoy Sasaki-kun. The two of us are just a pair of members of the Cultural Festival Executive Committee, and we don't interact with each other. If I had to put it that way, the two of us were just "getting to know" each other. At a time when we were just beginning to get to know each other's hearts and minds, how could we possibly understand each other when we asked this kind of question?
"But, you see... ...Natsukawa, you see."
"..."
"Um, that's why..., Natsukawa is..."
—I must stop. I must apologize.
It's just going to be annoying. This is not something that needs to be asked of anyone. First of all, I just need to improve myself more from the start. Properly, in a way that will help others. Even if you could get the answer right now, what answer would you give? That's just forced flattery. I don't think I've ever heard a story more tragic than this one.
For now, let's just pretend that we haven't heard this story.
"—If only I were Sajou... ...You already know what I mean, don't you?"
"...Eh?"
An unexpected response.
I never thought that Sasaki-kun would mention Wataru's name. However, I didn't understand why Sasaki-kun assumed that "Wataru would understand". I decided to ask him why, rather than stop asking him and pretend that I didn't hear him.
"Why...?"
"No, you see. That guy, he's been working on a lot of things."
"A lot of things... ...Yeah, I think so."
This time, he was the one who led us, the first-year students. That was Wataru. Wataru, who was practically in a higher position than both of us, could see how I compared to the people around me. But what I want to know is not the difference between me and the people around me.
"...And besides, you see, maybe... ...he knows Natsukawa better than I do...?"
"...!"
That's... ...true.
Wataru does know me much better than Sasaki-kun. I'm sure he already knew about it. We've known each other since we were in middle school, and we've spent a lot of time at school together. Not only that, he also had a lot of experience, and I had seen him advising others on this matter many times. For the first time, I knew that I could rely on him.
...Why?
Why am I only finding out now? I've been spending time with Wataru since middle school. Besides, back then he often talked about himself even though I didn't ask. As much as Wataru knew about me, I also knew about Wataru. So why is it only "now"...?
"—Because he... ...always liked Natsukawa."
"Oh..."
Sasaki-kun looked a bit depressed when he said that.
♦
Wataru liked me.
When we first met, he already liked me. I clearly remember him looking me in the eye and saying, "I like you". However, at that time, I wasn't in the mood for a romantic relationship or anything like that, and I couldn't help but push him away coldly. Despite that, Wataru didn't give up and continued to appear in front of me time and time again. Come to think of it, he was probably the only guy I interacted with who was open about his emotions and feelings at the time.
By the time I enrolled in high school, I already felt more relaxed. At the same time, I was excited to imagine what my high school life would be like from then on. I did know that Wataru was there too, but at the time I thought he was just an annoying existence. Although I was excited about my new school life, I had no interest in having a boyfriend or living a love life. There was no one I cared about more than Airi.
My high school life started well. He still stood out, and the reason was because he followed me around everywhere. I also stood out in the same way, so of course people around me remembered my face and name, and I gained a best friend named Kei. Come to think of it, I think my relationship with Kei probably wouldn't have happened if Wataru hadn't been there.
The reason I didn't realize it until now is probably because I just took him for granted.
He was a noisy existence. Even though he was someone I took for granted, he was still someone who was always by my side. That's why I don't understand why he suddenly distanced himself from me. I don't care if he's given up on me, if so, why can't he at least be my "friend" like he used to be?
Otherwise, I would feel lonely.
Wataru was the only reason I had anywhere to go back to. There was a gap in my heart that neither Kei nor Airi could fill. The first time I truly understood what "lonely" meant was during the School Visit Trial during the summer break. He wasn't just a noisy existence but had also become an important part of my daily life. That's why I started to feel scared just because our connection would be broken.
One day after school in the second term. Wataru flatly denied his relationship with me to a girl from the same middle school as us. It was a look that I had never seen come out of him before. At that moment, I thought maybe Wataru didn't like me anymore. Then, I realized that Wataru was paying attention to my feelings and trying not to make things awkward with me. I realized that I never thought about Wataru's feelings at all. I didn't know what to do.
I didn't try to find out. I hate what I don't know. I became afraid to find out.
Even though I reached out my hand, my feet remained frozen.
Of course, I didn't know why.
TL Note: Trivia: This chapter was released in 2020, and it's the first time when the Author tried to promote the release of the Light Novel Volume 2. Even though both Volumes 1 and 2 aren't out yet, I think it's a good opportunity for me to promote the Official English of the Light Novel Volume 1, you can purchase it on pre-sale by clicking here:
https://www.monogatari-novels.com/the-dreaming-boy-is-a-realist-vol-1/
You could support the author and the illustrator by purchasing this physical and digital version Official English version of the Light Novel Volumes 1 and 2.
TL: Reeze27
ED: Reeze27
PR: Reeze27
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